Haunted
by JessieLightyear
Summary: "Lily I-" "Where's James?" I asked interrupting him. "We don't know." Sirius said finally. "He and Peter were supposed to report back hours ago. They weren't at the meet up or at the last check in point. We've searched everywhere, but, so far, nothing." I sat down and took a moment to collect my thoughts.


**Hello friends :)  
This is the third installment of my Speak Now challenge. I don't own Haunted (TSwifty) or Harry Potter (JKRowling).  
Enjoy! **

_You and I walk a fragile line _

_I have known it all this time _

_But I never thought I'd live to see it break _

James was late.

Of course he was late! I had something big planned tonight and he was late! Not just like 10 minutes late, but 4 hours late! I sighed and blew out the candles, which were now stubs. I sat up and grabbed my wand from James's seat. I had it all planned out and everything. James would walk in, go to sit down, pick up my wand, and read "Congratulations, You're Pregnant!". I started clearing the plates away. Just as I them all picked up though, there was a knock on the door.

"It's about time." I put the plates and the wand back in place. I ran to the door and opened it up, "What sort of time do you oh. Hi, Sirius." I said.

"Hi Lily, can I come in for a minute?"

"Yeah, sure" I opened the door up for him. Sirius walked in stood in the front hall.

"Lily I-"

"Where's James?" I asked interrupting him.

"We don't know." he said honestly. "He and Peter were supposed to report back hours ago. They weren't at the meet up or at the last check in point. We've searched everywhere, but, so far, nothing." I sat down and took a moment to collect my thoughts.

"People are still looking them though, right?"

"Lily, we're not giving up." Sirius promised me.

"I'm going with you." I said, "Just let me change." I ran upstairs to change out of the green dress I'd been wearing for James and into something a little more suitable for Death Eater hunting. "Would you grab my wand? It's on the chair in the dining room." I called down to him as I pulled on my sweater. It was chilly, since it was November after all, and the last thing I needed was to come down with a cold. I ran back downstairs and saw Sirius staring at my wand.

"You're pregnant?" I bit my lip and nodded. "Lily I can't let you go out there."

"Sirius, give me my wand. I'm going to find my husband."

"Look, Lily, James is like a brother to me. He wouldn't let you go out right now and he would kill me if I let you go out." I walked over and snatched my wand out of Sirius's hand.

"Will. He will kill you. Cause he's still alive."

"Look Lily I didn't mean-" I walked past him and out the door. I needed to find my husband.

_I know, I know_

_I just know _

_You're not gone _

_You can't be gone, no _

It had been a month.

A month and no word from either of them.

A large group of us had kept searching, but we were running out of places to look and, frankly, most people were giving up. I couldn't though. James had always promised me forever; he wouldn't leave me like this. Today though, I was at home. Alice and I had both had a doctor's appointment since we were both pregnant. The doctor had told me I needed to reduce my stress levels. It hadn't affected the baby yet, but it could if I didn't get them under control. I almost laughed at him. I did follow his instructions a little bit though and had stayed at home all day with Alice. She was drinking some tea while I was washing the dishes. She didn't saying anything as I spewed theories to her about James.

"I'm thinking he might be hiding out somewhere. Maybe he's being followed and can't come home right now. What do you think?"

"Lily, there's… there's something I really need to talk to you about." Her tone seemed serious, so I turned around and dried my hands off.

"Oh really, what?"

"Lily, I think it's time to have a memorial service." she said quietly. I was silence, absolutely silent as I processed exactly what she was suggesting.

"Alice, I… he's still alive, I just know it." I told her. I heard her sigh and walk closer to me. She put her hand on my shoulder.

"Lily, it's been a month. We've had no word from him or Peter and nobody can find them anywhere. We…we have to assume the worst." she said.

"He's not gone! He just can't be gone." I said. Even I could hear my voice slipping from anger to defeat.

"Lily, sweetie." I turned around and she already had her arms out for me. I hugged her tightly and cried. I can't remember having ever cried as much as I did that afternoon. I pulled back and immediately nodded before I could talk myself out of it.

"You're right, of course you're right. We… We should have a… um…" I couldn't bring myself to even say it. Alice nodded to let me know she understood.

"I don't want you to worry about a thing, alright? I'll take care of it all." she promised. I nodded, barely even hearing what she was saying anymore. She talked about things like when to have it and where a good place for it and how we'd have to see if Remus had any pictures of James and Peter for us to use. She asked me a few questions about who should be there and who should speak and things like that. I gave her answers automatically as I finished the last of the dishes. Finally I couldn't listen to it anymore.

"Look Alice, can we do this tomorrow?" I asked.

"Of course, yeah." I sighed and shook the last of the water off my hands. "Lily, do you want to stay with Frank and me?" she asked me. "It might do you some good to get out of the house for tonight. We do have that spare room, you know." I shook my head.

"I wouldn't want to impose on you."

"Alright, let me get you upstairs." she said. I walked upstairs and slowly changed into my pajamas. I stared at that bed… our bed. I shook my head, walked toward it, and sat down on it. I smoothed out the covers and pulled them back. At this point, Alice put her hand on my shoulder.

"Are you sure, Lily?" she asked me. Upset, tired, and defeated, I turned back to her.

"Maybe just for a day or two." I said softly. She nodded.

"I'll get your things from the bathroom." She walked off and I started putting some clothes into a bag. Alice came out with a small bag for me. We had to walk down the block because of the anti-apparition charm that James had put up before he left. I felt a familiar pop as she apparated us a block or so away from her house. We walked up a short path, and Alice opened the door.

"I'm home, Frank! Lily's with me." Frank came in quickly from his study.

"Hi Lily. How are you holding up?" he asked.

"I… just… alright" I said, honestly.

"Well if there's anything you need, just know we're here for you." I smiled at Frank. I started pulling my coat off and Frank walked over to take Alice's coat. "You should be resting." he said somewhat softly to her. "Remember what the doctor said about a regular sleep cycle?"  
"Yes, I know." she said and smiled at him. "I'll be right there." she kissed him lightly. "I love you."

"I love you too." They kissed again. I was trying very, very hard not to be extremely jealous. Alice seemed to pick up on this.

"Sorry, that's probably the last thing you need right now, huh?"

"No, no, don't apologize for being in love." I told her. "I'm just going to go upstairs and get some sleep."

"Alright, we'll be here if you need us." Alice told me. I nodded, went upstairs to the guest room, and crawled into bed to fall asleep.

_Oh, I'm holding my breath_

_Won't see you again_

_Something keeps me holding on to nothing_

The next week just flew by. Not in the way that summer holidays do or how the time between your birthdays seems very small, but in a scary way. I spent the entire week with Alice and Frank. Alice, being the dear she is, took care of everything and now it was just up to me to show up. And today was the day when all I needed to do was be there.

Black never was my color. Some redheads try to get away with black because it's a color that goes with everything and one of the few things that doesn't clash with our hair, but I never liked it. I wore it though, a plain black dress with a jeweled neckline.

"God, the things you make me do, James Potter." I whispered to myself and started pulling my hair back into a braided bun. The clock on the wall chimed nine times. Alice said I should be there by 9:30, but I could always get there early. There would be a memorial from 10 to 11 and a luncheon from 11 to 12. I looked outside. The weather was certainly appropriate, a dark dreary day. The radio had said something this morning about the skies clearing up this afternoon, but I doubted it. I put my wand inside my purse and walked outside, heels clicking against the pavement. When I got to the end of the pavement, I apparated away. We were having the ceremony at his parents' house. Oh, his poor mother! I'd seen her a few times since James disappeared, but I hadn't seen her since Alice had put together the service. She'd offered to host it though, so I assume that she has also been forced to accept that James is dead. I rested my hand on my stomach, where I had a barely noticeable bump, a bump you would only see if you knew I was pregnant. How could I possibly raise this baby alone? I know Alice will be there for me, and so would Sirius and Remus and Mrs. Potter, but James wouldn't be there. And as much as they tried, none of them would be the baby's father. I pushed those thoughts away though when I saw Alice standing at the door. She ran out to meet me.

"Come on in Lily. Frank is finishing setting up chairs."

"Where's Mrs. Potter?" I asked.

"In the dining room, putting some final touches on our luncheon" I nodded and quickly headed back there. Mrs. Potter was standing over a table. Her red hair, now streaked with grey, was swept up in a fine bun and she was fiddling with some plates and sandwiches.

"Mrs. Potter" I said as I walked in. She looked up at me, "I… I'm so sorry for your loss." I said, since I didn't know what else to say.

"Oh, Lily dear" she said and walked over to hug me. "Our loss. We both lost him." I hugged her back tightly. "But come, sit down. You need to get off your feet after all. How's the baby?"

"Fine, the baby's fine. I'm so worried about it though. After all this, I'll have to tell people and then raise the baby alone."

"Oh, you won't be alone. I promise, I'll be there for you two and you can move in with me if you want. You don't have to obviously, but if you want to just to have someone there to help you and such." I smiled at her.

"That would be wonderful."

"Good, we'll move you in as soon as possible. But today is about James and Peter, we're here to mourn the boys." The door quietly opened and Remus walked in. He gave us both a forced smile.

"They're starting to come in." He said. Mrs. Potter stood up, brushed her skirt down and held her hand out to me.

"We'll get through this together, as a family"

_Come on, come on, don't leave me like this _

_I thought I had you figured out _

_Can't breathe whenever you're gone _

_Can't turn back now, I'm haunted _

The part before the memorial ceremony was exactly what I expected it to be. All the guests were gathered in a sitting room off of the dining room. Everyone came up to me and hugged me. They offered their condolences, asked if there was anything they could do, told me how much they missed James, and said how they couldn't imagine how much I must miss him. That last part was the worst. Of course I missed him; I didn't need them telling me that. There was always someone by my side, Sirius or Alice or Mrs. Potter. I knew they were trying to help me, but really I just wanted them to go away. I wanted everyone to go away.

People signed the guest book and wrote messages to James on a frame that held a picture of him playing Quidditch and to Peter on a frame with a picture of him and his mother after he graduated. I excused myself from the conversation and walked over to read some of them.

_We miss you James _

_ You were the best of us _

_ The world has lost a good man _

I knew they meant it, but it all seemed so… wrong. I jumped when Sirius put his hand on my shoulder.

"Are you okay?" He asked. I didn't say anything, the answer just seemed implied. We both turn to the messages written for James. Sirius picked up a pen and wrote across the top of the frame '_You were a real piece of work, you know that?' _ I laughed for a moment and then picked up a pen. '_I can finally stop tripping over your slippers.'_ Sirius laughed too.

"He would have liked those more, not these ones that made him a hero. He was a man, plain and simple." I took Sirius's hand and squeezed it. Sirius smiled at me and squeezed back. We stood there together, silently comforting each other over the loss of a brother, the loss of a husband.

"It's time to head in." he said. I followed him into the great hall for the memorial ceremony. We made our way to the front row where Remus and Mrs. Potter were already sitting there. Once everyone sat down, Alice stood up to start the ceremony.

"Hello and good morning to all. We are gathered here today to celebrate the life of two great man. James and Peter were dear friends, each a model to us all. We will begin with a few words from James's wife, Lily." I took a breath. Sirius and Remus squeezed my hands and I took a breath than stood up and walked up to the podium. Alice hugged me tightly than walked down to the front row. I looked out at the crowd and slowly started.

"Anyone who knows me knows that I didn't always love James the same way I do today. They'll tell you horror stories about the first few years James and I knew each other. I know for a fact that, my best friend Alice will tell you I've spent half of her life talking to her about James, either complaining about his pranks and teasing, like I did those first few years, or complaining about how he was an utter blockhead in later years." I took a deep breath and kept going, "You see, James changed. He changed quite a bit, actually. The pranks went away, the mindless hexing stopped, and the study habits started, which may have been the most startling change of all. And while I won't say these changes came over night, they came and that's what's important.

But something I didn't realize at the time was that James was changing me too. Alice will tell you, I've spent the rest of her life talking about school, being worried about school, being excited for school, school, school, school. I was 16 years old and treating the world like I already had a job and mundane life that just kept repeating itself day in and day out. James was quick to fix that though. He reminded me that no matter how much I wanted to grow up, I was still a kid. James taught me to have fun doing something ridiculous. He taught me to live again.

And the thing is, he was always doing that, teaching us. For me it was teaching me how to laugh. For others, it was teaching respect, honesty, selflessness, acceptance, life lessons that many of us didn't realize James had until he showed them to others." I paused and wiped my eyes. "James… was lost showing those traits. He fought for the protection of all of us, for freedom and justice to all people. He spent his life as a hero. It… it's something I never told him before and I only wish I could tell him now." I stepped down from the podium and walked back down to my seat. Tears were clearly coming now, but I brushed them away quickly. Alice and Remus each took my hand as I sat down and Sirius sat up to say his piece when, a slow clap came from the back of the room. Everyone turned to see who it was. I looked back trying to see who it was. There was a man standing back there; leaning against the wall like this was the most casual thing in the world.

"Sorry folks, but you only get so many opportunities like this." I stood up and slowly took a few steps forward, not letting myself believe it yet. "I mean, to have Lily speak so openly about my good qualities doesn't happen very often." I ran the rest of the way back there, ready to kill. At least part of me was ready to kill, but inside it was a whirlwind of emotions.

"JAMES POTTER, WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?" I screamed. The part of me that was pissed that he had been gone for a month was winning out over the part of me that was happy he was home.

"Hello Lily, goodness you're looking lovely, although, black? I've never seen you wear black before." By now I'd reached him and I threw my arms around his neck. The urge to kill him settled some as I pulled him close to me.

"You were dead. You were dead and now you're here." I whispered running my fingers through his hair.

"Shh, shh, shh no, I'm not dead. I never was dead. I'm right here; everything's going to be okay." God, I'd almost forgotten how good it felt to be in his arms, to have his hands running up and down my back, around my hips. Merlin, I loved it.

And then I remembered. He'd been dead.

The whole reason I'd been here is that he had died!

I shoved him away quickly, rage boiling inside.

"What the hell were you thinking? You were dead! And you, you just let me think you were dead? How long have you been back there? Merlin's beard, you're such an idiot! Didn't you know how worried I was? And your mother, you were just going to let your mother think you were dead too? Merlin James, how much of an arrogant blockhead are you?" I reached for my wand and then remembered that I didn't have pockets in my dress. "Where's my wand dammit?" I remembered that my wand was in my purse and that was in the front of the room. I spun on my heel and ran back to my seat. While I was running, Sirius lunged for my purse, grabbed it, and held it above his head.

"Give me my purse, Black." I demanded. He kept moving it away from me as I tried to grab it.

"You know Lily; from this angle you look quite different. In fact…" He threw it over to Remus and then grabbed my wrist before I could run after it. "Lily, have you gained weight?" I tore my hand away from him.

"Of course I've gained weight you fool I'm pregnant and you know that!" Gasps and whispers came from all over the room.

"You're what?" James asked from behind us. At this point Mrs. Potter stood up.

"Alright everyone, since my son has decided to crash his own memorial service I think a celebration is in order! Come on, there's food in the dining room and plenty of joy to go around since my daughter-in-law just officially announced that she's pregnant! So come along then." I would have laughed at that if I wasn't so pissed at James. Everyone started leaving (including Remus with my purse… bloody traitor) until it was just me and James on opposite sides of the room. I crossed my arms and refused to speak first. James looked around us awkwardly and scratched the back of his head.

"So… how far along are you?" he asked.

"About two months,"

"Oh, alright." There was more silence until I finally asked.

"How long have you been back?"

"Two days."

"Where were you yesterday?"

"With Dumbledore, I found my way back to headquarters last night. I slept there and then debriefed and such with Dumbledore and headed right over here."

"Oh" Alright, so maybe the 'letting me think he was dead' was a little harsh… but only a little.

"Lily I…" he started, then sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, trying to find the words, "I wasn't trying to trick you. You do know that right?" I nodded.

"Yes, I do. I just, James, you were dead." I reminded him.

"I know, and I… I never meant to put you through that. Or Mum, Merlin, after everything with Dad I can only imagine how she was. I was trying to get home. I swear it. I was trying to get home to you and Mum and Sirius and Remus and Alice and… everyone. And I'm sorry you had to go through that all that."

"What happened to you?"

"Peter and I got captured. I don't know what happened to him. I thought about staying behind and getting him out too, but I knew it would be better to come back and get help."

"Oh…"

"Lils please, don't be mad at me."

"I'm not mad just… shaken up I guess. I finally… accept that you were actually dead and then you're alive. It's all a little, overwhelming I guess." I sat down and rubbed my temple. I heard James walk toward me slowly.

"So you're not still mad… right?" I turned to him and smiled.

"No, not mad." He smiled too and sat down beside me.

"How's the baby?"

"The baby's fine, as long as I keep my stress levels down." He glanced down at my stomach.

"Can I…" I nodded. James gently put his hand down on my stomach and smiled widely.

"You know the baby's not kicking or anything yet right? Nothing's happening." I told him softly. He chuckled.

"Lils, you're making a brand new person right now. A lot is happening right now." I smiled at him, I'd almost forgotten how thoughtful he could be… and then he started waving at my stomach. "Hi baby! Are you alright in there? I bet Mum's been taking good care of you. Right?" I laughed again at him and he smiled at me.

"Are we okay?" I nodded and he grinned even wider then leaned forward and kissed me. I grinned and kissed my husband, my fully alive husband. He pulled away first, something that he normally didn't do.

"What's wrong?"

"Well… Peter's still out there."

"No, no you're not going back out there again. I just got you back; I'm not ready to lose you again."

"Lily he's stuck out there somewhere with Voldemort and-"

"What do you mean 'with Voldemort'?"

"I… um…"

"You're not telling me something."

"I didn't want you to worry."

"James"

"I… Voldemort was there."

"And…?"

"And he, well, he…"

"What the hell did he do to you?"

"Just you know the usual treatment by the Dark Lord." He didn't have to say it, I knew what he meant: the Cruciatus Curse, lack of water and food, constant fear of death, and his ever present followers who were ready to kill or torture you on command. "You know I can't leave him out there with that."

"Can't someone else go? What about Remus or Sirius?"

"I'm the one who knows where we were."

"James, you can't go on this mission. You want to storm into the lion's den right after you crawled out of it? You have to be more careful now; you're going to be a father! This is the third time you've gone up against him; you're not going to keep being this lucky."

"Okay the first time you were there with me! And in total you've been up against him 3 times to and you escaped all three times!"

"You were with me two of those times and do you see me running off to fight him anymore than that?"

"He's my best friend, my brother practically. Would you leave Alice out there with him?"

"Well no but-"

"Then don't ask me to leave Peter out there."

"Fine, but I'm coming with you." I said and immediately walked off to the dining room to get some food before he could counter me again.


End file.
